if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
