I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
