this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
