I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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