I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
What drink are we having for lunch?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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