His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
