Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
