I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
you never un-have a 4some
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
