the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
