I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
