does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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