I just made out with a guy for $7.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
