you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Randomize
