So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
