I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
