Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I wear drunk well.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
