He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
