Moan for me like Helen Keller
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
