I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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