I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.