I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.