oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
