My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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