Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
This house was built for laser tag.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
