he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
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