im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
wanna go halves on a baby?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
