he wants to bone in the snuggie
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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