that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Welp...herpes.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize