Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
