He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
