I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
