One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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