i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
