either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
