Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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