now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
