I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
