that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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