Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
