Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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