3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I want to be your penis for a week.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
