Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You're a waste of cheezeits
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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