do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
