but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Randomize
