a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize