i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
