the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
