So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize