she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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