I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
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