My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
