I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
