My sheets look like a crime scene.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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