go do what you do best...puke behind churches
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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