Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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