bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
