Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
