he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize