i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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