I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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