Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
my shit smells like andre
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
