I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
