you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
