Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
