while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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