The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
