WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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