I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
