You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
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You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
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so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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