So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
