I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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