your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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