it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
