I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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