Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My friends, they love my intelligence
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
