non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
