Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
