But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
