Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
