so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
