you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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