I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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