They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
